Saturday, October 31, 2009 A.D., Day 30 - 151 Days to go

Friday, October 30, Day 29 - 151 to go

Ma'am Behind The Curtain

The violent ones "allowed" Aubern to "represent" my person in their devilish system. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I signed an apology, as much as I could stand to, to just get me into a position where I can get both remedy for my pain and limited physical abilities and into a position where I can contribute to my family and the world in a way that thugs may not like, by providing for them without begging permission from them.… which sadly and shamefully I have to do so I can do something better for the world. I sure don't want to rot in here at a cost of nearly $15,000.00 to the tax-payers, most of whom agree that it is against their will, and they don't approve, never mind the cost of the medical bills, which I sure as heck am not responsible for, and I'm sure the tax-payers aren't responsible as well. Just who is responsible? I think the man who knows he is, knows. He needs no introduction here, surely.

Thursday, October 29, 2009 A.D., Day 28 - 152 to go

Don't Ask

Today is visitation day! I get to see the love of my life! Sweet sadness is the theme.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009 A.D., Day 27

One thing there is plenty of time to do here is sleep. I'm so sick of sleeping, especially when these continuous dreams happen to me. Almost all of them are awful, but this one got me absolutely ripping. In this dream, I'm still in my (the tax payers) wheelchair (which I'm still in as I write this on my lap, still covering one eye so I can focus, etc.) forced into some state arts and crafts class. Now there is nothing like that here, they have expensive programs that futilely attempt to alter people's perception on drug use, alcohol use (I use neither, nor advocate for anything except personal choice and personal responsibility… and I know how miraculous cannabis is for all kinds of issues from A.D.D. to migraines to healthy living) but oddly they have no drivers "classes" here. Oh let me tell you that people who don't have a clue about anything administer these "classes" and after his 17th time in the "drug program," Rich says he's still gonna smoke pot when he gets out (Rich has been both in prison as well as jail 17 times in his life and not once, not even one (?) did he hurt anyone. The questions beg to be asked if they are not blatantly obvious by now… Whose choice is it to use or sell a plant or a product? Mine or his or yours? Are you the fully qualified all knowing to dictate by robbing him, his family, kidnapping him, attempting brain-washing he's obviously NOT receptive to in order to dictate how he should live his life? Don't you have enough to worry about your own morality or spirituality? Do you think Jesus would act in such a way? Who's expense is his incarceration at? Are those payments voluntary? How about his incarceration? Did he ask or even beg for it? Yeah, I know some of you will say "Sure, if he just followed the law he'd not be in there," but you people, your day and your unthinking thoughts and words, when over I hear that I want to look for the little hoop on the back of your shirt so i can see if you say the same crap when I pull the string out, again. When are you going to use your conscience or brains? Mike, Adrian, and a few other humans in here are in here for a year for what vile insidious acts you ask> For the act of driving their children to school, for going to work to better the lives of his handicapped wife and sons and daughters. One year? Yes. If you are not sick because of it I don't want to know you, ever. Seriously, are you that lazy and selfish not to see past your own self righteous ignorance? Remember, Mike was a very content man, who diligently and lovingly cared for his family, and still does all his life, now, what has Mike learned? He's learned how to "hate on a level I never understood before in my life" is his reply. Thank you Mike for telling that to the all knowing man in a black dress who sent you here at $80 a day, for 12 month, for DRIVING!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009 A.D., Day Twenty-Six

You may not believe this but a fellow inmate ordered Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" ad he's finished it. So, while the brainiacs decide whether to give me the book Sam A. Robrin sent me or that it will turn me into a serial sayer of contrarian thought (surely a terrorist) I'm borrowing "Atlas Shrugged." "Illuminatus" will likely have to wait as it's only taken over a week for them (officer Fallon) to get past reading the back cover… which is how she judged the book to begin with… so much for that old slogan to "authorize" my reading aptitude. Surely, I will find a home of some kind of solace in the 1,078 pages somewhere, and some day, I' just may graduate Kindergarten too, while reading Ayn.

Monday, October 26, 2009 A.D., Day 25 (I can't believe it!)

Today's writing was long and varied, so I temporarily scrapped it. It will be revamped and with any hope, it will make sense when I rewrite it.

For now, I want to simply thank every one of you who have written and supported my love of my life, Aubern, and I.

Never in my life have I been so blessed to be part of something so special, so wonderful, so full of love and caring, as well as full of depth of character in the individuals who are part of no group.

Sunday, October 25, A.D. 2009, Day 24 <- Yuckie! :)

Family Day

Thanks everyone who sent wishes with Aubern and don't worry please, I know lives go on out there and I appreciate your thoughts, prayers and wishes. I couldn't get here to see Sam each and every time either and was often out of state ("state"… how that word nauseates me at times). The nice thing was that I got to have her all to myself for an hour so that, I loved!

Saturday, October 24, 2009 A.D. Day 23

The Roof

It's coming down pretty heavy out there and there is a chill in the air. There is the sound of an occasional snore, a television with the volume on low, but low enough that you know it's some mindless form of distraction, as it almost always is. The inmates beg for direct responses from the "corrections" officers and receive the all too familiar vague answers only people hired not to think or feel can give. There is the echo of the speakers blaring from the task masters "Mister Banker, Mister Durall, Mr. Coll, get ready for work detail!" They are headed out to see "the girls" and milk them and shovel their poop into machines… I guess the cows and the humans are on the same level… slaves of the state, or in this instance, the county as well. An "inmate" which I choose to call "Terry" (that is after all his human name, not "inmate") says thank you to me for coming over to him with a roll of tissue to blow his nose and dry his tears he is dripping all over the letter he is writing in response to the pictures and letter he just received from his wife and his 18 month old beautiful little girl, he won't see for at least a month… There is much more to hist story, too, more that the thugs calling themselves "everyone's government" who dares enter this land. Terry thanks me for the stamp and envelope that I shared with him, knowing that just doing this gets me a "write up" and possibly sent to solitary confinement in East Block.

Friday, Oct 23, 2009 A.D. Day 22

Today, I'm weak. Today I'm bewildered. Tody I miss the love of my life. Today I miss hugging all my friends and welcoming new ones with hugs and blessings. Today I shed tears, not for me entirely, but rather… today I can't write… I just can't.

Thur., Oct 22, 2009, A.D., Day 21

It is said in many circles that patterns in the human mind bear their first fruit after 21 days of enacting that same repetitive behavior. Well, today is that day and I must say the pattern of head and neck pain as a constant nag is nearing its end as far as my wits are concerned. The double-vision and the blurryness and the difficulty focusing have gotten old. All I wanted to do was get to my love and touch, hold and talk to the most previous gift I have on this planet (oh, it's not my little buddy, Scamper, guys, cut it out (ha ha!)). The truth is only known currently by four people that day. Which version anyone cares enough to believe is theirs to choose. I know where my conscience lays. Can the others say the same to their "Gods?" That is for time to tell now isn't it?

Tuesday, October 20, Day 19

Today, I'm a bit irked; why do I never cease to be amazed? SO, here is how I'm starting to see why they are so incentivized to cage people for whatever they want here in NH.… This facility is quite literally giving slave labor to the COuntry Nursing Home just across the street so they can say to the tax payers "look what wonderful things we are doing for you!" The salves… ahhh, ahem! I mean "inmates (wink) are punished for rotten and awful things such as "not asking permission to drive to work to feed their family" or "self medicating" by inhaling the smoke of a burning plant. If you think the Military Industrial COmplex has a good gig then this stuff happening in your backyard really takes the cake… and we all know what happens if you say that you disagree with it… you soon are framed in some bologna conspiracy to be shamed into slavehood, never to make a peep against the establishment gang of things again… "Use the system!" they exclaim or "you're not going about it the right way!" Well, I now see it this way: imagine for a moment that you are on the Peaceful Pirates baseball team and you are scheduled to play a game against Beelzebub's Braves. As you are warming up, the umpire arrives, stumbling over home base carrying a white cane and wearing a pennant reading "Go Braves Go!" The umpire shouts "PLAY BALL!" What are you going to do? The ump is obviously blind and favors the opposing team. If you move into position to play and do not object to the umpire, you've accepted him and the decisions he makes. If you object to the blind umpire, you expose his deficiencies… thank you Paul [Roane?] and Deb Kalinowski for leading me through this so far.

Tuesday, October 19, 2009 A.D., Day 19

It appears as though the names of the three individuals that are still in the holding cells (aka "the bubble") are still NOT "processing." THank you Sam for starting a trend. I refused as well. No photo, no prints, but they put me back in what they call a "day room" (God only knows why they are called that). The quiet, reserved, seemingly nice social worker I warned not to push me at the tax-payers expense, against their will and can you imagine what they would think if they knew why most of these people (including belligerent me) are actually in here? He said only what a person does who knows what they do for a living is deceptive, but they must still protect themselves and each other and say nothing. We all know the score. They may smile and act friendly but their hearts are black or at least misguided… but that excuse seems to be going away now. These days they just shut up until they get a chance to frame you for some supposed "crime." We all know that the police have lied and embellished, and do it often. All I want them to do is examine their reasons and get honest about why they do it… not just with their "buddies" but with the people they oppress daily. The drug war is an obvious failure. There is a man here who is now on his 17th marijuana charge. He's a very nice guy really, and he knows what treats his A.D.D. properly and that he has been able to make a living for himself and his family. He's also told me about how a Swanzey cop framed his once as well. It's awful that he spent (lost) an entire year and a half of his life in prison and… it's so, just so sad. We've managed to put up our "pumpkin" in a way. The article and photo in the Sentinel about the "4:20 EVERY DAY" pumpkin has been torn out and toothpaste has adhered it to the wall.

Wed, Oct 21, 2009 A.D., Day 20

Last night after asking 13 different guards, one finally got back to me on a book Sam A. Robrin sent to me. They said "it was denied due to content." Come to find out it was "Illuminatus," a book Sam A. Robrin has been wanting me to read for quite some time. The guard named "Beyer" was finally kind enough and respectful enough to inform me. He did also mention that it is in my "private property." My guess is that they denied it because it was over their own reading levels. Okay, I'll stop… but seriously, how silly is that?

Monday, October 19, 2009, Day 17

Not being on death row is exciting! Okay, I can hardly contain my excitement, even through day 17 of head and neck wrenching pain. The word from some of the guys (and the guards asked me not to share their names :) ) I have been reported to about Yadra, Yahoo (or "Hey You") and "Maddox." I know Yadra, but I'm not yet sure who the others the government educated guards are calling "Free Staters." The word is that they are not "giving out their real names"… Um, why on earth do that and who are you to demand it or lock a human in a cage until they say uncle? Yes folks, they are being tenacious in their quest to expose yet more awful deficiencies (do they do ANYTHING good? (or well)) of the system of top down thuggery.

Day 16. Sunday, October 18, 2009

Last night at around 10:00 PM or so, I finally received stamps and other mailing supplies that I requested at the first given opportunity on Monday.

It is so hard for me to comprehend the vast amount of support I've had. Mail has come in not only from all over the geographical XXX often named as "The United States of America" but also from over seas as well.

[Kevin sent a Haiku poem]

With heart surrendered
Grace full-fills the here and now
Bliss is remembered

[Kevin sent a Haiku poem]

Layers unfolding
Are to events of our lives
Flowers of wonder

[Kevin sent a Haiku poem]

There. The breathless state
Floats on pure waves of bliss
Sweetness surrendered